Prince Charming is taunting you with his tantalizing looks and gorgeous personality! There is absolutely no doubt that you have fallen in love with him or close to it. The biggest question is, is he in love with you? It is a little easier to tell if a guy likes you, from killer smiles to romantic compliments. But it is difficult for some women, including me, to know when our crushes are not interested in us. Trust me, I had a college crush that I was so in love with for over a year, and I still ignored or was completely blinded by false hopes of us being together. We are so head strong and optimistic about being with our lover boys that we either force ourselves to believe that a romantic relationship will develop, or we easily mistake kind gestures for flirtatious ones.
A guy’s smile is one of the bases to know if he is interested in affection. Pay attention! When a guy likes you, he will give you a type of flirtatious grin that will say, “I am so into you.” It is that cool dude smirk, with upper eyelids slightly lowered, pearly whites showing, and eyes slowly blinking. Also, he will lock eye contact with you for at least five seconds. When he does not want you, he will give you the same smile that he gives his grandmother; maybe he will show off his teeth, eyes will be peeled wide open, or he will find someone else or an object to catch his attention to avoid making eye contact with you. With my last crush, let’s call him Kevin, he gave me this very cheesy smile with his teeth showing, eyes all excited, and he was kind. However, this was the smirk he gave everyone. Basically, he acted and treated me the same like everyone else he encountered. I was not that bright star that shined from the rest; same smile, same enthusiasm, and same boring conversations.
Are the discussions between you and your crush lackluster, meaning are they the type of conversations that you can chat about with anyone? “Oh yes, I love the weather! It is so fantastic!” Also, when he does chat to you, does he begin the exchanges or do you mainly start them up regardless if it is face to face or messaging? Yes, yes, and yes? Sounds to me like you are the only one trying to bring your relationship closer together, but you are not alone. Kevin and I only talked about school matter and we got to know each other a little. For the most part, I always had to begin our little chats when I sent him messages, about three to five times out of the month to avoid being annoying. He did message me back sometimes and only three times per message. It is like all of that hustle did not even matter. Guys will go after what they want.
When you approach him, does he roll his eyes or stamp his feet? And how long do your conversations last? Most of the time, or always, does he make up some lame excuse like, “I have something important that I have to take care of right away!” or “My pet rock just died and I have to go to its funeral,” all just to hurriedly end your discussions? He does not want to be around you and I do not doubt that he does not want to become friends with you if he is being that rude. Even though Kevin was a busy and receptive dude, our conversations did feel rushed unless he scheduled an appointment to meet with me. Yes, I really did have to make appointments (seriously, was I a medical patient?). Our crushes avoiding us make us feel like we are invisible. Are we the shadow people lurking in a dark, depressed shadow town or are we actually going to have a decent conversation with a real man?
Another sign is when men see us, they will give praises about how great we look, how sweet we smell, and how gorgeous our eyes are. If you receive regular compliments from your crush that your mom or friend gives you, ouch! “You look nice!” “I like your hair.” “You are cool.” Those regular, vague respects that you probably hardly ever hear from your crush anyways are a sign of kindness, not an act of flirting. Those commendations are easily mistaken for flirtatious ones. Women love and crave compliments from men to boost their confidence and to actually feel even more beautiful. The only courtesy I ever received from Kevin was, “I think you are receptive!” and I had to force it out of him! If you have to force homages out of your love, have little to no compliments directed to you, or you witness him giving another girl tributes; wake up! You cannot go on being treated like this!
The third sign is notice how he treats you compared to the other girls he hangs out with. How does he treat you differently from the rest of the females? If you answers are, “He does not treat me different from the other girls,” or “He treats his friends better than he does me,” then you need to reevaluate why you like this guy who does not care for you. With Kevin, I did not notice him flirting with other females, but he did treat me the same friendly way similar to how he treats his friends (some a little better than me). A guy who adores a woman will signal her out; place her on a pedestal. You want to be that one special woman who will stand out from the chicken-headed girls and catch your admirer’s eyes.
What is really painful besides being just like everyone else, is noticing your crush post pictures or talk about a girl he likes on his social media page. If you realize him taking pictures of some chick, taking pictures with this chick, liking or commenting on her page, or posting up random thoughts about this girl who is not related to him, chances are, those two will be together. Harsh, I know. Kevin started to post picture of some girl on his page, and he knew that I liked him. I repeat; he KNEW that I liked him. When I discovered this, I felt as if my heart was torn out of my chest and stomped on by some giant prick. But I told myself to get over this guy, that he was not the one, and to find some else who will actually appreciate me. You might be going through the same situation now. You remember that saying, “Time heals all wounds,” well, it is true!
Smiles, conversations, standing out, compliments, and even checking Facebook/Twitter can help you on your journey into figuring out if he is not interested. Finding signs to see if he is not attracted in you is a challenge in itself. But sometimes, you have to tell cupid to shut up and put on your detective hat to search for the truth.
Guys that are not into you are not really worth liking. You can’t force them to like you no matter how high your skirt is, how much makeup you wear, or how many articles you read to reel him in. You can still try to be friends with your crush at least, but try being with other guys who will see you as being unique. Do settle yourself for just him; date around! Your ideals of what you want in a man may change then!